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Hunted · to · Extinction
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By the way, it seems I'm never going through the rest of the Calgary synopsis. Just can't be done. Basically, I hate greyhound. |
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so, i was supposed to be on a bus back to saskatoon thirty minutes ago. as you can see, that didn't work out. the original plan was to be back sometime this afternoon, unpack, wash my uniform, and maybe take a nap. instead, i'm taking the next bus out which departs at seven forty-five this evening. the night bus. ack. i get into town at about six am, take the city bus home, have a shower (if there's time), and head to work. woo! other than all that craziness, the trip has been pretty great. i saw pretty much everyone i wanted to see, i'd say. i spent lots of time with maggi and andy, saw my dad & erica (the kids are crazy huge! or is that crazy/huge?), met up with kyle and dzianna, although i didn't see dzianna for as long as i'd have liked (next time-i'll be back soon). met some new people too, which is always good. i'm too hungry to summon the dedication to finish this synopsis. I'll finish Pt. 2 later. For now, I'm just worried about breakfast.
Location: |
Calgary |
Mood: |
 tired |
Music: |
the kodak clock | |
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Chronic uncontrolled stress causes oversecretion of gluocorticoid hormones, notably cortisol. Cortisol activates the glucocorticoid receptors that regulate metabolism, inflammation and immunity. An excess of glucocorticoid hormones reduces the rate of new brain cell-proliferation in the hippocampus. The hippocampus has the highest density of receptors for glucocorticoids in the brain. Stress-induced activation of the glucocorticoid receptors causes nerve cell death and dendritic atrophy in the hippocampus; by contrast, there is synaptic growth in the basolateral amygdala. The amygdala stores memories of emotional experiences - frequently fearful and unpleasant memories. Eventually, however, prolonged stress tends to atrophy the amygdala too. These long-term changes in brain morphology lower mood. They may result in anhedonia and depression in the genetically vulnerable. Taken from here.
Location: |
Desk |
Mood: |
 apathetic |
Music: |
cpu fan | |
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well, i guess it's my birthday again. i'm having people over tonight, so if you think you might be invited, you probably are. people should all know my address by now, but if you need to know, call me @ 373-9533. i'm not quite sure on the itinerary for the evening, but cake, spirits and movies are likely involved. also, if i have my way, the possibility of drunken karaoke. if you wish to imbibe, feel free to bring something along. this is all really disorganized and last minute, but whatevs. it happens.
Location: |
home |
Mood: |
 - stupid staff meeting |
Music: |
peek/poke - megatokyo is boring | |
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...we look at our feet while walking. it pays off! 
and it works too, most of the time.
i might have to replace the HD, but I'll hold
off on that as I don't want to buy any new
parts just yet.
Mood: |
 chipper | |
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all emo on you, but this is just totally pointless. if i could just shut up for a while, i could probably hear it. |
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just can't shake this feeling lately... i'm groggy as if I just woke up, all the time. seeing my days through a haze, washing over like this past week's rain across the sidewalks. work. eat. sleep. no dreams to speak of. |
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--- Your soul urge is to nurture and take care of others. You love people and believe the greatest expression of your inner divinity is through teaching and guidance. Many of you are very maternal or paternal at an early age and are often regulated, by default to the role of advisor or therapist in your social life. Unfortunately your willingness to take on other people's burdens threatens your romantic relationships. This is because you are often perceived as a friend or a helper rather than as an object of desire. The result is that many sixes end up with broken hearts simply because others simply could not recognize their empathy as being an expression of love and desire. Part of your challenge in life is to learn how to make yourself more sexually attractive to others. Often this means learning the brutal rules of the game of love, which in courtship often mean practicing a certain kinds of power plays and being mysterious. The mistake that you often make is letting yourself be too available to the person you are trying to attract. As the object of desire realizes that you are willing to be there for them no matter what, they take it for granted that you will settle for less. It is often a six who will spend a year comforting someone they are attracted to in the hopes the person will recognize their good heart, only to be dismayed when they are thanked for all their kind support and the person moves onto a romance with someone else. Your candidness and forthright manner is also a drawback romantically as others are turned off by your dogmatic approach. As you tend to discuss everything about yourself with a member of the opposite sex, there is little mysterious or sexy about you. Spilling your guts does not help you professionally either, as it encourages others to steal your ideals. Part of your inner struggle might be fighting your urge to connect so intimately with every single person you meet. One way to combat this is to make an effort to be a little more stand offish and play your cards close to your chest, especially when it comes to romance. As you are a very sensitive and compassionate person you tend to take things very personally. When others let you down you have a tendency to retreat from society and nurse your wounds. Often when a six decides to play the victim in a relationship he or she is met with very little sympathy or help. This is ironic as sixes are so eager to help others and comfort them when they are down and out. The cosmos presents you with this type of situation so that you are forced to heal yourself with the same type of focus and devotion that you use to heal others. If you feel yourself succumbing to a tendency to isolate yourself or find yourself succumbing to addiction or depression your best course of action is to forget about yourself entirely and go out and make an effort to help someone less fortunate than you. This teaches you to be helpful to people you are not attracted to as sixes have a way of only making themselves useful to individuals that they find attractive or desire. The very highest calling of your soul urge number is to renounce sex and relationships altogether and devote your life to a religious or spiritual practice. |
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all that stuff i said, i take it back. how embarassing, again. |
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Waiting, waiting for the call that starts it all. Seems like I've been waiting a long time, but that's just how it is. This murky air/line cook's environment is keeping me stuffed up continuously, and not being able to breathe right makes me tired and moody. Am I getting old? I haven't even had more than one or two incidences of summer fun... all I do is eat the heat & sun and hope that can somehow tide me over until next year, as if next year will be different. We'll see how things pan out. |
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WARNING: Extreme high cannot be sustained. |
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okay, so apparently it's been a while. seriously, not much to report. I'm still working at the same place, doing mostly the same things, and that's no surprise to anyone. They've thrown another raise at me, which I really can't complain about, but it's hard to rationalize being at work by 5:15 (5:30?) Also, my recent attempts to woo & court the ladies (alright... lady) have been met with mixed results. Is it possible that I don't really know what I'm doing anymore? Of course not! I saw Joel Plaskett on monday, and it was most excellent. I was even able to convince Carmen to come with me, about which I was pretty happy. Looking back, I'm starting to think that all my years of relatively-sheltered existence may have helped make me uninteresting at first glance. I might be witty, charming & smart, but I sure as hell have a tough time proving it (without blundering). Sigh. What else? Oh, a "reliable source" told me that the lap-steel I was drooling over is still at Underdog. So tempting, but do I really need another instrument to learn, plateau,then stagnate with? Maybe? $300? Curse my impulsive self, I'll probably end up buying it. Not much else for now, I'm spent. I'll seeya in 2 months.
Mood: |
 content |
Music: |
ringing in my ears | |
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anybody looking for a job that starts at $9/hour? no wage cap? free meals? quite good health coverage? easy work? uuh, a beefy co-worker (me)? serious, guys. It's getting desperate, and i work with children. Mr. J has a bunch of other incentives in the works, that i'm not supposed to mention as well. (*cough* paid educ- oops) It's gotten to the point that I actually *like* working here, but we're in desperate need of some, uh, staff replacement. Basically, if you can operate a doorknob, you'll excel. |
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if i don't at least attempt to do it by the end of the week, all of you should kick my ass.
Mood: |
 hopeful | |
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the new update is 47 hours sleep since saturday eve. I'm sorry, but it's not a satisfying way to spend a weekend. No, not at all. |
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I just slept for almost 35 hours straight, getting up only to get water/go to the bathroom. I feel like I could still sleep longer. ...and I still feel like crap. |
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Yes, but what does it all mean?! |
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well, the new year's gathering has ended, and all the party people have gone home. many, many thanks to angee for making sure everyone got home safely & relatively unscathed. thanks again |
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well, clubhouse Christmas tree is up. had some pretty strong emotional reactions while stumbling across some old family decorations. to be brutally honest, i had to take a couple of smoke breaks because i thought i might cry. perhaps it was just a combination of being tired & decorating alone. I'm not that good at faking being an adult, and most can tell, I'm sure... it's been over five years, but I've been considering going back on my meds, even though my old friends know how well that worked. i just don't know, really. merry Christmas clubhouse, and to all i won't be seeing this Christmas, make sure your family knows how much they mean to you. & don't let the man get you down. |
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thegreatmoa's journal